I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
