I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
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id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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