I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
