Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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