I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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