Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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