So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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