i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
