quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
