: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
