i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Every concussion has its silver lining
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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