I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
