I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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