i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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