this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
