also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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