Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
