I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
