someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
