So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
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I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
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No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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