omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
