May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
