I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
