My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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