Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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