so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
