He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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