is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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