five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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