I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
