i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need to sanitize my soul.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
