Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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