all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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