I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
