I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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