if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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