Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
