Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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