morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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