Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you never un-have a 4some
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
