im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
