I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
