I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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