Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
