Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
