Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
