hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
