Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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