Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
