So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
