Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
