New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
