Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
