Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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