Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
