This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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