i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
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the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
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DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it