I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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