If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My dick has a subreddit
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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