ADVERTISEMENT

• (310): View more from California

  I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now

  Fav 2 1563 872

  share tweet
  

• (818): View more from California

  Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...

  (714): View more from California

  Didn't you just get a DUI last week?

  (818): View more from California

  Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it

  Fav 3 3085 1049

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (480): View more from Arizona

  just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.

  Fav 4 2725 920

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.

  Fav 14 3029 757

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (415): View more from California

  how hairy? two words: wookie tits

  Fav 32 1036 6103

  share tweet
  

• (212): View more from New York

  I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.

  Fav 50 6118 1841

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.

  Fav 4 1254 3211

  share tweet
  

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon

  Fav 5 3825 1276

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.

  Fav 51 1297 5013

  share tweet
  
• 

  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?

  Fav 8 1458 686

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all

  Fav 5 1460 690

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?

  Fav 6 814 2150

  share tweet
  

• (480): View more from Arizona

  "The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"

  Fav 3 1198 640

  share tweet
  

• (408): View more from California

  He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower

  Fav 2 111 89

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (419): View more from Ohio

  You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."

  Fav 1 78 6

  share tweet
  

Randomize