Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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