You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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