I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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