There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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