oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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