Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
