someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize