nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
