dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
