I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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