I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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